i’m feeling the impact of being a woman of color in a patriarchal society a little more than usual. as you likely know, i am living in costa rica for the month of march. recently i met several people on my travels, all white folks. ranging from quebec canada, to sweden, to the nashville tn. it was a conversation with an environmental sociology major that really reminded me of what it’s like living as someone female presenting as opposed to male presenting. if you’re familiar with costa rica you’ll know there’s much machismo engrained in the culture. i learned in a gender and sustainability class when i studied here in san jose a few years ago that the most reported domestic violence cases in the whole country is when there’s a major futbol game. men get drunk and abuse their wives. no matter if their team won or lost, there’s always some sort of aggression expressed through sports.
so anyway, when i was talking with this likeminded male from Connecticut he told me all about his dream to travel central and south america on a motorcycle. i couldn’t help but bring up when i had a longing for something similar. everyone who even remotely knows me knows that it’s always been a dream of mine to live van life. there’s something about living in tune with the earth, a van powered by solar with a compostable toilet, eating vegetarian as much as possible while seeing the world, that calls to me. however, when i told people in costa rica three years ago that i wanted to find a vehicle and travel central america “by earth” as a dear french canadian friend would call it, they were filled with fear and in return filled me with apprehension as well. “nicaragua es muy pelligroso para una mujer”. i mean maybe they aren’t wrong. i get cat called by every man i pass on the street of jaco when i’m alone, including the security guard to my complex. add a man by my side and at least i’ll only feel the piercing stares of 6 pairs of eyes on me as i pass the bus stops. yeah i know none of this is new and that if you’re a woman in this world you’ve experienced something similar to what i describe. but the fact is, that i’m deeply envious of men. i want to be able to walk alone at night with no negative thoughts in my mind. i bet some people are thinking “but women have benefits too”. like free drinks at bars and not having to pay on the first date. let me ask you, can you think of any way a female deeply benefits from something that doesn’t include a man hitting on her and/or exuding power over her? thanks i will take those free drinks, it’s the least of what i deserve for living day to day life in a world that likes to keep women weak. the reason that i’m reflecting on all of this at the moment is because i was afraid to eat dinner alone tonight. that’s a loaded feeling which relates to my france travels. that’s because, let me preface that i will be saying this rather bluntly; i was living under the same roof as a white male rapist. this experience woke me up while also shutting me down. i was terrified to travel alone again. i’m not going to get into that full story, as i’ve been writing a book on it titled: two and a half weeks in provence: a female perspective. it’s a white mans world, and that’s all i’ll say on that.
alright with all of that rambling word vomit off my chest. now let me tell you about all of the inspiring experiences i’ve had with white men during this trip. firstly, one of the last nights i spent with the group of french canadians at the beginning of my trip. i don’t recall what exactly we were discussing but they looked me in the eye and said “we are feminists”. this was funny and heart warming to me because we spoke more about surface level things as they were a bit shy with their english and my french is pretty shit. later in the trip i met a group of college students from nashville. i was sitting in a hammock with a boy who had a book about environmental policy. we were discussing our respective reads and agreeing on a lot of policies. afterwards i asked if he was in a frat and he was a bit hesitant to say he indeed was. he told me about the stigma of frats and how they treat women as well as one another. his brotherhood focuses more on nature and outdoors experiences and that’s why he loves being a part of it. i could tell that he really meant it and wanted to acknowledge that he’s involved in an institution that doesn’t necessarily align with all of his beliefs. i personally love to hear that there are men in nashville tn who are aiding in breaking down the stereotypes by just being who they are. in relation to this, i’ve found that gen z in itself is super fucking inspiring. podcasts at 19 and a half years old, living in indigenous mexican societies while acknowledging the ethical dilemma of being a white man in that community, and active goals to improve the earth and environment. i’m genuinely excited by the conversations i’ve had with all those of whom i’ve crossed paths with thus far. i’m grateful to have all of the privilege that i do. to have the opportunity for travel, even if it is through my lens as a queer woman of color. it’s the only lens i would want to see it through anyway. something that i always find myself relating back to is that there’s a great strength in being the minority. and most of all related to this topic, i’m very happy to know many supportive male figures and to have them in my life.
“que lindas ojos” (the line i get most from cat callers),
anjali
